I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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