how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
