ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
