I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
