You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
