i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
