We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They took my balls.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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