No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
