i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
