How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
