At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
