I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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