i just google imaged poop.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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