She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
