And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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