my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
