do herpes really smell.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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