And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
