okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
