The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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