Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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