it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
