Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
