I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
