i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
