Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
