Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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