Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Of course I have a pirate flag
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
