also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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