There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
