Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
