Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
