Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
