I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
