after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
