my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
