u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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