He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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