My room smells like vodka and shame
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
