i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
