Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
