no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
