The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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