You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
