this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
