so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
