I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
