No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it glows. i had to have it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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