I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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