It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
