you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
