She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
